Is God Far?

When posed the question “Is God really far away, or am I far from him?” it struck me, not just how many times that I have wondered this but how many people have. The answer is easy, okay not really. God is always there, he is always listening, he will always answer, just not as loud as our deaf ears would like. God is there even through the tragedies. God is there through the joy and he is there when all we hear is silence. He is there when we worship him but due to this dry season (or so it seems) we just cannot get into it. You cry out “Lord I need you.” And he replies “I am bringing you closer to me.”

Sometimes there are periods of silence to give us a new perspective. There is an area of our lives that we need to change or that is about to change and we need a different view of it. This quietness lets us see things in a new less emotional sight. It lets us view the world with a certain amount of numbness and without adding our own emotions to it. It seems as though whenever I go through one of these seasons, my relationship with God explodes afterwards. Someone once pointed out that there is the least amount of growth on the peak of the mountain, but rather it is on the slopes and in the valleys. Maybe it is because we are praying even harder and begging for the closeness. Maybe that is the change God wanted us to make, to get out of our routine and back to a passionate prayer to him.

When something bad or hard happens in our lives and we change, we may find it hard to listen again. The things in our lives that make us question, “Why would God allow this?” cloud our minds and block our ears. This is the silence of pain, and it itself is painful. I have to say in recent events this has been my silence and it was out of me saying “where are you God, I need you.” However, at the same time saying “I don’t want to talk to you, why did this happen to me?”

Think about when you take away something from your child. Something they want, maybe they think they need it too, but you know it is not right for them, not right now. They cry and give you their most pitiful face, but you know what is best. Your child still loves you, but they do not want to cuddle with you or talk to you. If you walk out of the room after taking whatever it may be they cry more, the child still needs the parent. This begins at a very young age, and sticks with us through adulthood, we need our Daddy even if he takes what is dear to us, we need him, but maybe we need a time of silence with him nearby whispering ever so softly until we are ready to listen again.

The answer is, He is near us always, He will not leave us, even when we think we have left Him. He is still there. You cannot “fall away from God,” He will follow you wherever you go.

Grace and Peace Cherish

time chages everything

Do you remember the last time you made a choice that put you in a place where you felt like an outcast? Now how is it that we as Christians are the best ones at making people feel like outcasts? Im good at this one also. I know I know you would never do that, you are the one Christian out there that truly loves every one even your mother in law that puts her two cents in to everything and your husband has not emotionally moved out of her house. Nevertheless, we are all put in to place where we stand up and disagree with the powers at hand for whatever reason. And when they disagree also a line is drawn in the sand and a choice has to be made, is the relationship important enough to deal with the disagreement or has it moved past all of this.

This is where my wife and I have been with the church we were going to for some time. The disagreement started out small and was easy to over look but every time I would talk about it to people that could make a change I noticed that they did not feel the same about the issue as I did. So honestly this is was happened I started to sound like I was complaining about what they thought was stupid little things and over time my complaining turned in to me nitpicking how we did church and I was bitter about the whole thing. So here is what most people do they get up and don’t go back they find themselves a new church, but we did not do that at first we tried to stick it out for about a year and a half. We prayed to be the change, this was encouraged by leadership. We prayed that if we where the problem that God would change us. In the end they would never tell us to our face but I know that there are a few that are glad that they don’t have to hear anything more complaining out of our mouth (I have seen the leadership say this when others left).

Now in hindsight I can see how we made it harder for ourselves by pointing out the things that we did not like seeing. When we asked to lead out a ministry or be involved we were not taken seriously, but the whole time with big smiles on their faces they would tell us that they want us involved and plugged in because they need us, they love us. I believe that this is true as long as I exist in the idea of church that they present to the people, but as soon as you step over the line you are no longer in community with this body you have gone rouge. Like the outcast of Jesus day, the unclean ones on the outside of the city gate that could not be a part of the lives of the community because of how people saw them.

Now that I have told you this, I want you to know that God is blessing people through this church but we just needed to do church differently. We are serving the same God just not the same way. I know that there is not a perfect church out there; we are all hurting in some way. we all feel rejected at times but in our case we are not leaving because any of that, we just want to be among people of like minds and like goals. we dealt with the feelings rejection and outcast while we where still their. We are now a part of a church that we fell does share common ideas on how to do church we still are new to it so we have not had the time to really get involved the way we would like. but time changes everything.

the christian icon!

so I had to show this pic, we were driving though Tennessee and I saw this metal Cross that from the freeway looking like it stood a 100 ft tall. Now my first reaction was to laugh because it looked stupid. Then I started to think about it and I was like wow this is how they are telling people that they are Christians and this is how people see them.

The other thing is oh my God how much did that stupid thing cost? Then I was getting pissed off because we were in a pour part of Tennessee and they spent their money on an over sized metal cross. There was enough metal on this to make a storage building to hold something of value… like coats or food

So here is the funny thing, I’m making fun of a church in Tennessee but just south of the woodlands there is a church about to do the same thing. There sign for it reads coming soon 150 ft cross, calming the woodlands for God… Ah Houston we have a problem! God made it so it is already his, so why aren’t the churches getting off there but and taking care of what is already Gods. It is as if the churches are flying to the moon and placing a flag!

Tattoo

So there are a lot of people asking me why I got a tattoo. well it really comes down to i like them and my wife let me do it and i see nothing that will keep God from looking at me any diffrent.. also i wanted to tell people why do to the fact that a few of my friends are very right winged Christians that just flat out think that it is trashy looking but the majority of my friends are like wow where did you get it… I must say that there is an age gap between the two parties and if you wear ink you know what I am speaking of.
So my tattoo in Hebrew it simply reads “here I am Lord send me”. Now I know that there is someone out there that will tell me that I got the Hebrew wrong, the way we got it was from a friend that reads the langue and then I lost the paper where he wrote it out for me, so we found a web site that translate English to Hebrew.
So why did I get what I got. A lot of time and thought went in to it… this is not a lick and stick tattoo, it won’t just rub off. in Isaiah 6 Isaiah was taken up in to the heavens and he was in front of God see and hearing the things of heaven. In the very moment he realizes where he is at he is sees himself in contrast to the glory of God, he sees himself as unclean and sinful. An angle flies down with a cole and touches him and tells him that he is clean and then he hears God asking a question “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” Isaiah’s response was “here I am Lord send me”.
Now if you step away from the American filters and brake the words down in there Hebrew form Isaiah’s reply is very deep. What he is really saying is Lord let me remove anything that tells people who I am and carry your identity to the people… let them only see you when they see me.
So this is in the Old Testament and we do not live in the Old Testament do we, so how does it fit in with the New Testament and Christ? First of all it was Jesus that told the people when they were asking him to show them God he told them when you see me you see the father. And he also told the people that he is doing the work of the father, not his own.
In both cases they where caring out the will of God.
2nd when I was younger I would read the story of Isaiah being in the middle of God presence I would be like wow that is cool I wish that would happen to me. In the New Testament Jesus tells us that we can come boldly to the father… we can have a relationship that Isaiah never had with our God... every min of the day if we want to.
We are commissioned to go in to the entire world and to make disciples. We are given power to heal and set the captives free. God is asking his children to go do for people the way he has done for us.
Here I am Lord, send me!

tattoo

hey i just wanted to show off my new tattoo! so in Hebrew it says - here i am lord send me. i will go in to where i got it at some point. for now i am going to clean it agian.

their love

Now that I am a father of two, I have learned a few things about God’s love, but still not enough. There was a time when I would read the vs. in the Bible where it talked about love covering a multitude of sin, and I would think cool that sounds great but I never really knew what It truly looked like or felt like. You must understand that I grow up among Christians that taught about love but never showed it unless you meet there list of expectations. Now with me growing up in this understanding I thought it was normal to be this judgmental with people. So let us move forward past me being broken down, to me asking God to show me his love for people, as he loves them.

The other day one of my clients walked in to get a haircut and she had a glow about her and this looked pretty normal so far, but this joy started to flood my spirit and I was on the search for what God was doing because I did not want to be left out of it. As I was looking over her hair we start to talk and the joy in my client bust out in to the story that she and her girlfriend are leaving for Las Vegas to have a commitment ceremony. Ok so I was confused for a few moments, where was this joy coming from. I thought that some demon was jacking with me because this relationship goes against everything that I have been taught in my training of the Bible. So I did what I love to do now, I just went with it and enjoyed the joy that I was feeling for this girls.

(Ok so here is a little foot note about me, I see God doing more work out side of the church than I do in the church. The joy I felt is my drug of choice and I very rarely find it this good in the church. As I said this is what I see, if you do not then you might need to look around. Remember the people Jesus hung with where the tax collectors and prostitutes. Show me a church that has there arms open to these people and I will show you a church that the rest of the Christians are tearing down and speaking against. We do it to each other all the time.)

So back to my story. After the day is done, I was telling my wife about the event and that I did not understand it fully but I know that God was in the middle of the moment that I felt all the joy. So I prayed and I heard God speak to me “Love covers a multitude of sin” and I got it. God is not looking at their relationship as many of us are with our judgmental noses up in the air, he showed me that he is looking at them as their father and taking Joy in them as his children. Now I know that this goes against the grain of what has been taught and I know that the girls will have to deal with their choices, but I felt God taking joy in them, the very people that most of the Christians will open the door of hell and kick them in thinking they are helping God.
In every generation, there is a subculture that the church points its finger at and tells them that they are going to hell. For those of you that enjoy the drilling sound of a guitar with a heavy drum kicking you in the head as you drive down the street you might remember stories of pastors preaching against Rock n Roll. This is a common form of worship to people now, but even 20 years ago, you could be on your way to sulfur city for owning a KISS album. Then it was men with long hair and earrings and then on to tattoos and body piercing. Therefore, with this in mind where does it stop, what is the next subculture that the church crucifies?

So my story goes on, I have a childhood friend that found me on facebook and I noticed that he is gay. So I took the opportunity to ask him some questions like how does he feel about God and how does he deal with life as a gay man. I am so glad that he is my friend because there are so many Christians that have done more damage then helped when trying to approach this topic. He spoke of being around people that supported him in his choices and loved his as he is, not how they wanted him to be. He also spoke of the other gay kids he knew growing up that get looked down upon even today, and stories of kids being killed by other men because they were gay. When he spoke of God, it was in a very personal way…like he and God grew up as buddies. However, he does not go to church because he found it hard to hear that he was going to hell for his choice. Maybe we should start telling the fat people of America that and see what happens. Not many pastors would be able to preach any more. He made a point that God created him (he added “as I am” but I think the why we live our lives is a choice), how can the creator hate his own creation?

Please pray for my wife and I, we are praying about where to start a church. We have thought about going up north but that is not settled. I have just received my ordination to do it and now we are just waiting to hear God tell us what he wants us to do. Personally, I would love the opportunity to come under a pastor that is reaching out to people the way we long to. This is not saying that the church that we attend does not reach out to people, what I am saying is that we are on a different road of the same mission. It takes all of us to do the work and I still feel like I do not have a clue when I come to running a church.

Life is everywhere so let joy abound

How can someone have overwhelming joy, if one refuses to recognize joy itself? How can someone have an abundant life, if one does not recognize the life that is pulsing around them?
It is not possible to look around and not see life that was created by Gods hand. In your own home look at a bare wall, He created the tree, that grew up with his careful crafting of sun, water and nutrients. He created the man who created the machine, which is operated by another man he created, that cut down the tree, that became your wall.
Outside, the grass that grows way too fast and constantly needs mowed. The neighbor’s cat. The stray dog. Look at woman whose belly is bursting with life, so much that there is a glow in her very presence!
Dare I say go into a wooded area? There is no denying God’s great and busy hand there. From the giant oak, to the too tiny to see bugs, he created them and placed them together, to work for each other, one caring for the next, others making sure that there is not too much of one good thing and nothing is going without its needs. Together they balance and there is harmony.
This circle of life is the picture of how God created us to work….together, balancing each other.
Joy is not having a lot of stuff. If you plant a garden and give it the basic necessities, like water and sun it will grow, fertilize a plant sparingly it will grow up a little faster and if you pour too much fertilizer on it, it will die. How true is this with our lives. Those who have almost nothing, serve God greatly, the ones who have a little more do also. But those of us who have too much, how hard is it to fully embrace the wonder of God?
It amazes me when I hear of tribes in South America and Africa, who have the greatest respect for God, they serve in a way I long too. They worship with their entire beings, and yet they have neither water or food and their children are dying daily. They definitely don’t have too much fertilizer and yet they grow more beautifully than any plant in the garden.